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Over and over and over and over and over and over!Waking up on the morning thinking:
Why didn't i kill myself yesterday...?
Goes to school and think:
What am i doing here? i should be dead!
comes home and think:
What shall i do...?
I start to cut myself...
First cut: I just want to die!
Second cut: I'm so worthless...
Third cut: I don't have any meaning to this world!
And around 5-8 more cuts because i'm alive....
I later sit there infront of the bathtub thinking:
shall i kill myself?
I filled the bathtub with warm water and i
took my head under the water... and thought:
If i just simply inhale now.... then everything will be over...!
i didn't do it...
I cried because i just wanted to die! But i gave up...
And i went to bed anyway...
And then we start over once again....................

If you knewIf you knew what my life was like,
you wouldn't say that.
If you woke up each night to the screaming of your little brother,
you wouldn't say that.
If you prayed every evening when you came home from school that your mom was still alive and hadn't overdosed,
you wouldn't say that.
If you had to call the police on your father because he wouldn't stop beating your sister,
you wouldn't say that.
If you had to sacrifice your body for the pleasures of men just to feel wanted,
you wouldn't say that.
If you cut yourself and attempted suicide because you felt worthless,
you wouldn't say that.
If you knew what my life was like,
you wouldn't say th

DisappearSometimes, I wish that I could disappear...
Gone. Invisible to the world.
Just so I don't make a fool out of myself.
So I won't get laughed at.
Picked on.
Harrassed.
But most of all so I won't have to deal with life's stupid cruel games.
I wish I could disappear, just for a day, or even a second.
Sometimes I find myself thinking, "Why can't I be normal?"
Or
"What if..."
I tend to get so caught up in my thoughts sometimes, I do disappear.
And I love how the world slows down for a bit... All seems at peace.
Or at least, in my mind it does.
And I enjoy every second of it.
Every.
Single.
Lovely.
Second.
Of my invisibleness.

DrownI need to drink
I need to forget
I need to drown my misery

I can't drink
Now my chest hurts
From smoking instead

I can't think
My head seems empty
Like my sober heart

I want to scream
Till my lungs give in
And my life ends

I need to drink
I need to forget
I need to drown my misery

I need to drown myself

Don't I deserve it?Why is the flesh so fragile?
Soft skin turns to jagged red lines
The day before the snow came
Three years ago so similar
Right to this day, before the moon came out
This life I live, it frightens them
One week ago I finally went insane
I cut some more jagged lines
Right down to the bone, my love
I hope this hurts you
As much as it hurts me every day
Don't I deserve it, my love?
After all, I blame you
All of my insecurities, spoon fed
Only by you, my sweet love
So go home, let me rest

Do I not deserve it, my love?

Gentle WarriorI am a gentle warrior
I laugh in the face of pain
I fight the good fight
I have learned to dance in the rain

I ran for so long
I didn't want to face the past
It was only when I stopped running
That I learned I could outlast

When I reminisce
I no longer feel controlled
By the demons I once held dear
I no longer want to fold

When I look to the future
I finally have hope
That I am meant to do great things
That I am meant to cope

Everyday is a new beginning
I now vow to live life to the fullest extent
Continuing to allow myself to heal
To find peace in being content

I took the high road
Definitely not the easy way out
To live and love profo

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More from ~chemicalkid101

These Demons haunt usLife controlled, contorted by pills
Claims to soothe and calm these ills
That rage and burn through out these veins
Beats with bad blood that must be drained
How can I tell if what we see
Is a chemical mask covering me
Not worth a free thought, for the terror it brings
And so death looms in my nightmares and sings
Of promises and freedom in dulcet tones
Will my mind blocks the frightful moans
That vociferates with such a favouring fashion
Words drip like blood from those mouths with passion
But the nightmare stops, at least from this sleep
And carries through the day I keep
Shadows haunt and dull the light
Till the terror aris

Brought downBrought down, destroyed by constant rejections
Undeniably accused for these imperfections
Laughed at, laugh with, hiding the truth
Lie on the lips, portraying a happier youth
Insecure, words hurt, leaves a dull, lonely ache
Endless harsh words leave scars in their wake
Don't know how much more I can take

One moreAnother pill, even though it pains
and let a lie flow through these veins
The last one hurts, but this one soothes
And each pill takes away my blues
Even though we're accused
And even with the pills I abused
I always feel so debauched and used
Left in the dark, so confused
You said this was best, how can I deny
When I'm told of having no thought to apply
To a world and people that don't love
Me, like I love these
No not like I love these

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Submitted: November 16, 2012
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Smileby ~chemicalkid101

Traditional Art / Other

©2012-2013 ~chemicalkid101

speaks for itself I guess..

~bloodking30 Feb 28, 2013 Hobbyist

silme

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~chemicalkid101 Feb 28, 2013 Student General Artist

yeah ^^

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~bloodking30 Feb 28, 2013 Hobbyist

cool

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~chemicalkid101 Feb 28, 2013 Student General Artist

Thank you for commenting

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~bloodking30 Feb 28, 2013 Hobbyist

your happy im happy

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~chemicalkid101 Feb 28, 2013 Student General Artist

Aww thanks

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~bloodking30 Mar 1, 2013 Hobbyist

your welcome and keep on doing what you do

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~DeadSkarlett Nov 16, 2012

It is a hidlooks of it because of the cracks it's like a "broken"smile

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