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Submitted on
July 26, 2013
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When people ask me what being 16 was like

Will I lie?

I wont tell them about rock bottom
I wont mention drug overdose
Sitting in the dark
Changing hospital bandages
And crying
As it all comes back

Memories as it kills me from the inside
The bitter taste of escape on my tongue
Inside me and I said goodbye

Sinking to your knees on the bathroom floor
The cool sensation of tears and stained tiles
As my body tried to rid what my brain had begged for

Green uniforms and latex hands
Poke and prod, try to right me
In so many ways
They asked with lights that burned
And I told
How many pills
How deep the blade had sunk
Dragging me to the ambulance

How strange to be in a bed with metal bars
Falling, fading out of reality
There are no windows
I do not see
Tied down and restrained in this bed

I feel so weak in these sick stained clothes
And all I hear is the squeak of the wheel
Lights too bright and harsh
As my body tears itself apart

Mint green curtains for privacy
But I cried, feeling so exposed
The hospital gown
The blood on the sheets
The shame
And I couldn't look you in the eye

Wounds exposed for all to see
The antiseptic ache and burn
That I'm reminded of every time I look at my arms
Clinging onto the bed
With fear and hate I sweat

The drugs are still streaming
It all feels so unreal
As I'm pulled into sleep
As the doctors last words...
As the hum and beat of the machines
''...close, lucky to have survived...''
   BEEP
I don't know where the machine ends..
          BEEP
And I start..
          ''...Narrowly avoiding liver damage...''
                    BEEP

And the reality hits me

            I failed not only at life
             
                           but at death itself
This isn't the best thing I've written, but it was the most honest and truthful. I had to stop a few times through but I finished

Warning, it's not the happiest of poems.
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:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - E.E.Cummings
 You didn't fail at death, you succeeded in cheating it. You've been given a second chance, don't waste it by dwelling on past mistakes. Go forth, walk, run, fly, live.
"Happiness is not a goal; it is a by-product." - Eleanor Roosevelt
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:iconchemicalkid101:
chemicalkid101 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you for your comment. It means a lot to me to hear that.
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:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
  :hug: Everyone will mess up eventually, what's important is that we get back up after we've fallen down. 

"The Edge... there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over." - Hunter S. Thompson
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:iconchemicalkid101:
chemicalkid101 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you :) :hug:
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:iconagporter84:
agporter84 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Professional Writer
I am heartbroken after reading this. I want to reach out and hug, but I'll give you a virtual hug instead. *hugs tightly* I know that we don't know one another at all, but just know that my heart and soul loves you! One last thing, you made it to the here and now so you did not fail. I'm not sure if this is something that you even need to hear, but I wanted to say it to you. 
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:iconchemicalkid101:
chemicalkid101 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you so much. Your comment means more to me than I can explain :hug:
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:iconagporter84:
agporter84 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2013  Professional Writer
You are so welcome!!! While the actual experience of this work was something traumatic for you, you would be surprised how inspiring it is. It shows that no matter how dark things get, there is a way out. God bless you! I hope you continue to write about your experiences and help others see that they are stronger than anything this life throws there way! Your writing is beautiful by the way. You have a talent! 
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:iconchemicalkid101:
chemicalkid101 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2013  Student General Artist
Wow thank you very much, your comment means a lot to me. It makes everything worth it when people say nice things like that :)
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:iconagporter84:
agporter84 Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2013  Professional Writer
Again, you are more than welcome! :happybounce: 
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:iconsteampunk-samurai:
Steampunk-Samurai Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow...
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